Friday, February 25, 2011

My mascara contains WHAT?!?!

Nick, the boys, and I were all sitting around watching tv a few weeks ago.  The show that we couldn't tear our eyes from?  "Billy the Exterminator" on A&E.  It's reality tv at its finest.  Billy has a haircut that can only be described as mullet-meets-woodchipper.  The show follows him and his vermin-killing family.  They all wear black and appear to be 100% dedicated to ridding the world of icky things.

Hey!  Maybe that should be their company tag line!

Vexcon....We take care of the icky things.

(There's a good reason why I'm not in marketing.)

Anyway.  In this particular fun-filled episode, some poor woman had an attic full of bats.  Hundreds of them.  Her whole house stunk from the, uh, guano.  (That's poo, if you're not familiar.)  So Billy went into the attic to assess the situation....all while talking about how awful the bat droppings are.  They're smelly and full of disease and NASTY. 

Then Billy said that bat poo is an ingredient in mascara.

Ya know.....the stuff I was wearing AT THAT VERY MOMENT.  ON MY EYELASHES.  OMG.

Turns out, this is an urban legend.  But STILL.  Doesn't it sorta highlight how little we know about our cosmetics?  I'm of the "Ignorance Is Bliss" school of thought here.  Do I really want to know if there's toad placenta in my lipstick?

So while I was doing the dishes yesterday and thinking about this, I had an epiphany.  If it were true, could you imagine how the conversation went among the lab techs who were working on this formula?

Tech #1 - UGH!  I'm so frustrated.  I've tried EVERYTHING to get this mascara recipe correct!

Tech #2 - Maybe I can help.  What have you tried so far?

Tech #1 - I've tried armadillo urine, ferret saliva, border collie ear wax, kangaroo colon, frog warts, maine coon cat semen, pitbull prostate, Texas longhorn umbilical cord, chimpanzee testicles, and guinea pig placenta.  But I STILL can't get this right!  It's driving me batshit crazy!

Tech #2 - Well, maybe you could try.......

Tech #1 - WAIT A MINUTE!  I never tried bat shit!

Tech #2 - Gross.

Tech #1 - Shut up and find me some guano.

1 comment:

  1. I am QUITE sure that's exactly how it would go! Heh!


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