I'm Still a Rock Star

One of my current favorite songs is Pink's "So What". What can I say? I loves me a song with some attitude. (Please, get thee to YouTube and check out the video, if you haven't seen it already.)

Well when Mama listens to a song eleventy billion times, the little ones are bound to pick up on some of the lyrics....which is exactly what happened around here.

So I have a 2 year old who walks around singing:
"So what...I'm still a Rock Star...
I got my Rock Moves...
And I don't neeeed you
And guess what
I'm havin' more fun"
And that's all she knows of the song.

However....

She has a lisp.

So this kick-ass song sounds more like:
"Tho what....I'm thtill a Rock Thtar...
I got ma Rock Moovth...
And I don't neeeeed you
And gueth what
I'm having more fun"

Yeah. We think it's pretty funny, too.

I Finally Found the Love of a Lifetime

*sigh*

Isn't she lovely?
Isn't she won-der-ful?
Isn't she precious?
Less than one minute ........

Wait, what am I talking about? Oh yeah, my shiny new camera. (Sorry about the plagiarism there, Stevie Wonder. My bad.)

This pic doesn't do it justice...it was taken with our other slightly less lovely, wonderful, precious camera. Our first foray into the world of digital photography was with a little Samsung pocket-style camera. The pics were okay....a couple of them were really good. My main beef, from day one, was the AA batteries that died after about 15 shots. When I used that camera, I made sure to have an extra pair of batteries in my pocket at all times. Note to self: Future camera MUST have rechargeable batteries OR the purchase price MUST include a lifetime supply of double As. My second beef was the fact that there was no view-finder. In order to take a photo, I had to look at the little 2 inch screen and I haaaaaate that feature. Hello? I need a viewfinder!

Anyway, this particular camera (a digital Canon Rebel EOS XS....more power to you if you actually know what all of that means) has been on the market for several years. When I first spotted it, I think it was priced around $1200. Yikes. Why a Canon, you ask? Our first SLR camera, purchased way back in 1996, was a Canon Rebel. It was easy to use, even for a beginner like me, and took fantastic pictures. It was my faithful companion until we took it on a trip to North Dakota in the spring of 2005, where it abruptly died. I was forced to use our "backup" camera, a little pocket size Canon Elph (do you see a pattern of loyalty here?), until Christmas. Nick bought me a new camera body (my 2 lenses were still in good condition, so he saved money by purchasing just the body). It was still a film camera....the digitals hadn't come down to a good price yet.

I would have been fine with that camera, but using film is becoming more and more of an inconvenience. It's becoming harder to find film to purchase. Harder to find places to develop the film. And harder to justify the cost of the film and developing. Plus, I happen to love taking pictures, so the digital is much more cost effective for me. I can take 20 pictures of the same scene and just delete the ones I don't want.

We had been watching the prices steadily drop on the digital SLR cameras....Eventually, I came to the decision that I'd be happy with Canon or Nikon. As it happened, I opened up the Best Buy flyer on Sunday to see My Beloved on the back cover...it was a reasonably priced package that included a second rechargeable battery and a 75-300mm zoom lens. WHOOPEE!! Nick promptly drove to Best Buy to bring her home.

The kids are starting to think the paparazzi are stalking them (and with the awesome zoom lens, I'm free to take shots of their every nose hair). I've probably taken over 100 pics already. Once I get the software installed, I'll download my pics to share with you. I'm still learning and I'm debating if I should take a photography class to expand my knowledge. So far, I'm very happy with my new toy. The photos are fantastic...sharp color, quick response, rechargeable batteries, AND a viewfinder!

I'm in heaven.

What did you think I would do at this moment

This isn't exactly the greatest photograph in my portfolio (better known as my "albums"...maybe one day I'll be talented enough to have a portfolio). Perhaps my shiny new camera will take a better closeup photo of my most prized possession.

I know...I know. The camera story I promised you. I'll get there soon. Patience is a virtue, remember?

Anyway, back to the bling.

What you see is a pic of my wedding ring. Actually, it's not. Are you confused yet? Good. I have you just where I want you.

Let me start from the beginning.

On May 29, 1994, My Guy took me out for dinner to celebrate our one year dating anniversary. At some point during the dinner, he might have mentioned something about getting married. I humored him, thinking he'd had a couple glasses of wine and was a bit delirious and no he didn't seriously just propose to me cuz that is just be too good to be true. After we finished our meal, we went outside where he said, "You know, I was serious. Will you marry me?" Whoa. Really?!

"Absolutely...yes."

There was no ring...for one simple reason. The proposal wasn't planned. It was really something that developed as we sat over dinner doing what we have always done best....talking. Looking back, I realize that our proposal was so perfectly fitting for us. Low key, un-fancy (there I go making up words again), drama-free, and sweet.

And so, over the next several months, My Guy scrimped and saved (without ever mentioning it to me). On Christmas morning, he surprised me with an engagement ring. Just like the proposal, it was perfect. More so because he had picked it out for me. It was gorgeous, with one diamond in the middle and three tiny diamonds on each side. It was set in white gold. And the best part? It fit! There was no need to have it sized. I don't have a clue how he worked that out.

We shopped for our wedding bands in the spring. He picked out a simple gold band with some design around the edges that give it a nice shine. I picked out a plain white gold piece to sit next to my beautiful engagement ring. It was a near-perfect match to my mother's wedding band and I'd always admired the simplicity of it.

* * * * * * *

Fast forward to September of 2002. We were invited to a picnic in the park area at Belmont race track with My Guy's family...brothers, cousins, wives, kids, etc. It was a warm day that quickly turned into a hot day. Luckily, we were mostly in the shade and that kept us cool enough.

When I dressed that morning, I put on a watch, a bracelet that My Guy had given me, my engagement ring, and my wedding ring. I briefly thought, "It's a little warm today. Maybe I should leave all of this at home." Apparently, I ignored that thought. Damn.

Over the course of the previous years, my jewelry had been frequently neglected. During my first pregnancy, my fingers swelled up to the size of kielbasa, making it impossible to wear anything. And once the baby arrived in 2000, I had no intention of scratching him with my diamond ring. Ditto for the second baby, who arrived in 2002. For a couple years, my rings sat in a box in my drawer and My Guy got accustomed to seeing my hands bare. So on that warm September day, I'm not sure what possessed me to break out the bling, but I did it.

After the family picnic was over, we packed up the truck (My Guy's work truck), and headed home. I vividly remember driving down Hempstead Turnpike when I decided I was suddenly so overheated and sticky that the jewelry needed to come off NOW. I took off the watch first. Then the bracelet. Then the two rings. I used the watch to hook everything together in a neat little package. I put this bundle of bling into the truck's center console, closed the lid, and that was the last time I ever saw any of it.

We got home, unpacked everyone, unpacked everything, and I forgot about the jewelry. (Have you heard? I have the memory of a sieve.) Over the course of the following week, I occasionally thought to myself, "Tonight I need to get my stuff out of his truck." I don't remember how many days it took for me to finally go out there, but it was all gone. Without telling My Guy, I looked in every nook, cranny, and crevice of that truck. Five times.

It was all gone.

It took me nearly 2 years to tell him.

I was angry, embarrased, sad, ashamed, and just a tiny little bit afraid of what his reaction would be. Finally, someone I confided in said to me, "What do you really think he's going to do or say when you tell him?" I had no answer.

When I told My Guy this horrible news, he said, "That's it? Holy s@@@....I thought it was something serious!" He was genuinely offended that I had been so afraid to tell him. He was more upset by that than the actual loss. "It's just a ring! It can be replaced! What exactly did you think I would say?" The more I tried to explain my position, the more offended he became.

* * * * * * *

Before I lost my rings, my attitude was very casual. They're just material things. The marriage is important...the jewelry is not. My attitude changed completely once they were gone. It didn't take long for me to decide that I needed to replace the wedding band. Together, we picked out a new ring....the one I wear every single day. It is simple and beautiful and there's not a diamond to be found. Just the way I like it.

Yes, at the end of the day, it is just a material object and it has no value to anyone but me. But that's all that matters, right? Every time I look at it (about 50 times a day), I'm reminded that there's someone on my team. Someone cheering for me. Someone who still makes my heart skip a beat.

Someone who couldn't care less about some lost jewelry....as long as he still has me.

Breathe, Part 2

I'm breathing again.

Three more mammograms and one sonogram later, it has been declared that the Girl On The Right is perfectly healthy.

Oh yeah, and as it turns out, first timers are VERY likely to be called in for followup visits simply because there are no previous films to compare to. Grrrr. Could the technician from last week have told me that?! Of course she could have. And she would have saved me from a good 24 hours of panic.

Just so you know, the worst part of my day was walking into the mammo room. There on the computer screen was a giant picture of the Girl On The Right...with a white spot clearly circled. I couldn't pull my eyes away.

"Is that mine?"

"Yes. It is."

"And that's what they found?"

"Yes." And that's when she explained, in detail, how it's possible to see "something" that's really nothing at all.

I am thrilled that it's nothing. And I'm eternally grateful to that technician. She clearly saw the terror on my face and did everything she could to help.

And to all of you? Thanks for the kind words, my peeps...it really did help.

Breathe

I'm sitting here talking to myself.

Stop holding your breath! Breathe deeeeep. Holding your breath won't make the time pass any quicker.

* * * *

I had my first mammogram last week. Whoopee, that was fun. And by fun, I mean, it sucked quite a bit. At my annual Lady Bits Checkup last fall, I was informed that turning 35 meant I would need to start having mammograms. My appointment was on Thursday. I got there early, filled out the paperwork, and sat in the waiting room. Oddly enough, it was the same waiting room I'd sat in when I was pregnant and waiting to find out the baby's gender. As I sat there, I couldn't shake the feeling that I wished Jack were there so we could talk and so I could think about anything but mammograms.

The nurse called me in. She kept staring at my chest. Occupational hazard? She asked me what size I am. Apparently there are 2 machines....one for Big Girls and one for Little Girls. The Big Girls machine was broken. I had to decide if I wanted to reschedule for another day or have my Big Girls squeezed into the Little Girls machine. I decided to go ahead and get it done since I was already there and prepped. And just so you know...the entire time we were having this conversation, she was staring at my Girls. Apparently she was trying to use her x-ray vision to see if I was lying about their size.

ow. ow. ow. Ow. OW. OOOWWW!

Was it the most uncomfortable thing in the world? No. Scratching the skin off my body while the c-section meds wore off? That was much more uncomfortable.

It was quick and fairly easy and I went home. I would be hearing from my doctor when the results were ready.

* * * * *

Breathe deep. In. And out. In. And out.

* * * * *

Dr. SS, my favorite physician ever, called yesterday. (Seriously, she should give lessons to other doctors on how to BE a good doctor.) Everything looks good so far, but they need some more pictures of the Girl On The Right. Apparently, they might not have squeezed her hard enough (I beg to differ) and they want to try again. Oh what fun.

As I was walking around Target this morning, my cell phone rang. It was the radiology office calling to schedule my second appointment. She mentioned something about having appointments available this week at one of the offices. What's the rush? Why is she trying so hard to fit me into the schedule? "The appointment will take an hour to an hour and a half. We'll do a mammogram and a sonogram. You'll get the results immediately." What is that knot in my stomach?! Why the hell am I short of breath?! "I'll have to call you back so I can find out if my husband can take time off work for the appointment." STOP holding your breath!

I called her back when I got home. Jack is taking tomorrow off, or just going into work late. My appointment is at 9am. And until then, I'm talking to myself.

* * * * * *

In 24 hours, you'll have your answer. Everything is fine.

Keep breathing. In. Out. In. Out.

They didn't do the mammo the right way so they just need to see it again.

It's nothing. Breathe!

In. Out. In. Out.

It has to be nothing.

Please, someone tell me it's nothing.

To Everything There is a Season

Welcome, Autumn! We always look forward to your arrival. Please, kick off your shoes and jacket....stay awhile. Linger with us. We're not yet ready for Winter. Allow us to enjoy your warm sun and cool breezes. Give us a few more weeks to wear our short sleeve shirts. We don't mind if the winter coats stay packed away....we'll see them soon enough.

Just in case you're feeling under-appreciated, Old Friend, I'll take a minute to list some of the things I love best about you.

My faded, tattered jeans and soft, well-worn sweater.

The first bowl of chili....piled with cheese...using a tortilla chip to scoop it up.

Homework, lunchboxes, parent-teacher conferences.

Fresh pencils and crisp notebooks.

Split pea soup (with bits of ham) in the crock-pot.

Color! The grass, the leaves, the sky.

The smell of the neighbor's outdoor fire pit.

"Trick or Treat!"

Raking the leaves.

Putting away the air conditioners and enjoying the newly unobstructed views from my windows.

Sparkling clean windows.

"We get to go shopping for our costumes today?! YAHOO!"

Remembering a summer that passed a little too quickly....but enjoying the memories all the same.

A beautiful new camera to capture the sights and colors and happy faces.

"When we go pick out our pumpkins, can we go on a hayride like last year?"

So you see, Miss Autumn....we do love the sun, the beach, the pool, and the carefree existence of summer. But, truth be told, I love you even more than all that. I don't mind putting away the beach chairs, shaking the sand out of our buckets, and putting the pool to rest. The time will come again for all of that. For now, I'm going to enjoy what you have to offer. I'm going to hug that sweater close to me, watch the leaves change, and cross my fingers that Mr. Winter gets stuck in traffic on his way here.

All Apologies

Hello, Homies! My allergies are kicking my butt this weekend, so I'm not posting anything too Earth-shattering tonight. Hopefully I'll get back to you tomorrow. I know you're disappointed...it's okay. Absence makes the heart grow fonder....remember? For now, I'm sharing some random photos with you.

The first one is a quilting project I finally completed this summer. I worked so feverishly on this one that my carpal tunnel crippled me for about a month and sent me to an orthopedist to see if my hands were permanently messed up (luckily, they just needed some rest).

The second photo was taken this summer when we visited the aquarium. It's a great photo....of course it would be even better if there weren't a lady sitting behind the kids with a cigarette in her hand. It appears that she's digging in her purse for a lighter. Oh well.

The 3rd and 5th pics are the boys on St. Patrick's Day. The school encourages everyone to dress in green, just for fun. We don't own a lot of green clothing since green might be one of my least favorite colors...so the kids asked me to spray paint their hair (with washable hair spray paints). Yes, I do keep that stuff in the house for just such an occasion.

The 4th pic is the girls playing dress-up in the backyard. I love the "Don't mess with us" attitude!

Well, the benadryl is starting to kick in so I should head off to bed before I accidentally type something I might regret. When I come back, though, remind me to tell you about the dreamy new Canon camera the Hubs bought me today.

Mama Cas....out!