Thursday, July 15, 2010

C'mon, people! Let your freak flag fly!

Once again, I have to share the wealth.......I read this blog post yesterday by Any Mommy and laughed my anal retentive little butt off.  Turns out, I'm not the only one with some...uh...quirks.

Her entire post is a list of her obsessive coping mechanisms and oddities.  You should know that she has 4 very young children...none of them are yet in kindergarten.  Yeah.  With kids as young as hers, she probably needs whatever tactics she can find to get through each day with a minimum of chaos.  I read her blog religiously and identify with her on so many levels.

In a show of motherly solidarity (and in an effort to entertain you with my lunacy), I'll list some of my oddities:

1 - When I watch tv, I can't just turn it on and watch whatever station comes up.  I have to start at channel 2 and go up the dial.  (Did I just age myself a bit by using the term "go up the dial?"  Is there a tv in existence that still has a dial?  I'm pretty sure my kids would stare blankly at it and then demand to see a remote.)

2 - The volume on the tv must be on an even number.  It cannot be on a 13...it must be on a 12 or 14.  This is exceptionally frustrating when the tv wants to jump 2 notches ALL BY ITSELF NO MATTER HOW LIGHTLY I PRESS THE VOLUME BUTTON OMG I'M GOING TO FLUSH THE REMOTE DOWN THE TOILET.

3 - I know that paper towels are a giant waste of money and that I should just use washable rags like my mother did.  But...I'm a teeny tiny bit of a germ freak and I like the disposable quality of a paper towel.  That being said, I reuse mine until I'm absolutely positively sure that I can't use them any more.  When I clean my countertops, I spray them with windex and wipe them down.  In my wee li'l brain, that paper towel isn't really dirty...so I fold it ever so neatly and in just the right way and don't you dare try to crumple it up or fold it the wrong way or I will hunt. you. down. and I hang it over the windex bottle to dry.  Once that paper towel is thoroughly used and abused, I still use it to clean the bathroom floor or the toilet.

4 - My floor must be clean.  When Nicholas was a baby, we lived in a tiny apartment with our dog and cat.  I was crazy worried about him getting pet hair in his mouth (allow me a moment to chuckle about that New Mommy Neurosis) so I often vacuumed 3 times a day (don't fall off your chairs just yet....the apartment was the size of a VW Beetle and the vacuuming took all of 4 minutes).  To say that my standards have slipped since then is a gross understatement.  But I'm still irrationally annoyed by the sensation of dirt or grit under my bare feet.  Nothing lifts my mood faster than vacuuming and sweeping my floors.  All is right with my world if the floors are clean.

5 - I refuse to buy water bottles with straws.  I cannot figure out how to get the inside of the straw clean and I actually have visions of the germs that are colonizing there.  Also, our water bottles must be washed by hand with a bottle brush cuz I don't feel like the dishwasher is effective at cleaning the insides.  When my kids were still using sippee cups, I washed the valves with q-tips.

6 - My bedroom is mine.  M-I-N-E.  Mine!  If the children even wander in to grab a tissue, I twitch.  You wanna know how far I take this one?  I don't even allow pictures of my kids in my room.  Yep.  I'm THAT territorial.  None of their clothes or toys are in my room.  And the words "family bed" make me throw up a little in my mouth.  OMG that's so harsh!  No it isn't.  My kids have free reign over the whole house.....their toys litter every room and their school projects hang on every wall and I have countless photographs of them adorning my dining/living rooms.  I need one area in this house that's child-free.  The Husband is downright GIDDY over this policy.

7 - When I eat M&Ms, I have to have 2 at a time...not 1 and not 3.

8 - Kids who are big enough to sit on their butts but continue to sit on their knees?  Drives me apeshit crazy.  (Yeah.  I'm talkin' to YOU, Ben.)

9 - Feet are gross.  Keep them off my coffee table and couch pillows.

10 - I shave my legs.  A lot.  If the planets aligned and I happened to take 3 showers in one day?  I would shave my legs 3 times in that day.  Showering and not shaving is almost as ridiculous to me as showering and not using soap.  Again, The Husband is quite pleased with this policy.

WOW......that was therapeutic!  See, Any Mommy?  You're not alone!  We're ALL nutty in our own special ways.

Now it's your turn.  Think of your nuttiest, most anal retentive quality and share it here.  I promise I'll still love you!

3 comments:

  1. Wow...I'm not alone! I'm with you on 4 and 6. Just cleaned my floors today and it feels wonderful...I'm on top of the world.:) Also when we started having kids I was very clear that I didn't want them in my room. Husband loves this. Thanks for sharing your quirks:)

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  2. I LOVE YOU!!! I'm a freak about m&ms too. I have to eat them by color and first, I separate them all into neat little color piles. Absolutely adore the bedroom rule. My kids aren't allowed in our bedroom either, if they cross the thresh hold in the morning, I get irrationally upset. I do have pictures though. Maybe I should take those down.

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  3. OK. When putting up the plastic cups and bowls from the dishwasher I have to have the different colors evenly distributed in the stack that goes into the cabinet. I can't stand to look in there and see several blue or red or whatever together in the stack of dishes. They must be evenly separated!
    Why?
    I DON'T KNOW!

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