Over my shoulder, I felt a presence.
It was Ben. He had his camera. And he was videotaping me.
"GAH! He's videotaping me and I'm still in my pajamas and I hate how my voice sounds and I haven't combed my hair and he's taping from the side and my nose is HUUUGE and what if I say something dumb or what if I look terrible and I haven't even brushed my teeth (cuz, you know, we bought him one of those smell-a-vision cameras)........."
But I didn't say anything. I carried on as if I hadn't noticed that he was taping.
Because I'm not going to become THAT person. I refuse to pass my negative images to my kids. As my husband has pointed out, I am my own biggest critic. I will not encourage them to become the same way.
How can I teach my kids to be more self-confident and less self-critical if I'm constantly bad mouthing myself?
If I continually point out how "hideous" I am, how long will it be until they believe me?
Because I am their mom, they don't think I have a big nose or a terrible voice. And they don't care that I haven't combed my hair or brushed my teeth.
And when they take pictures of me like this?
I will hide my horror and keep my mouth shut.